Sexuality dating and love in adolescents

nosearch -- Dating, Love, and Sexuality Coming soon: there will be a noframes version. dating, love, and sexuality browsetopics: Find it! ------ SheKnows Entertainment Celeb news Parenting Cooking/recipes Recipe of the Day Diet/Fitness Health/Beauty Love & romance Dating/Singles Home/Crafts Gifts/Good stuff Shopping Fun & Games Daily horoscope Free email ------ PB Fertility/TTC Pregnancy Birth Postpartum Babies Tools Baby names Celebrity Pregnancy PB site map You are here... SheKnows.com :: Family/parenting Web SheKnows A SheKnows must-see... Read blogs Make a blog! Take a poll Play sudoku More games! Take a quiz! Horoscope/tarot SheKnows TV Photo gallery Newsletters Message boards Points Prizes Dating Weddings Love sex Pregnancy/baby Parenting Real moms Food cooking Home crafts Work money Beauty style Diet fitness Health Ask the experts Everyday life Girlfriends Entertainment Holidays Travel Contests Shopping SheKnows is your daily destination for information, community and planning your life! Find recipes Daily horoscope Plan travel Find a new job Find clever gifts Find a therapist Local weather Enter city or US Zip Tell a friend :: Print this page :: FREE SheKnows newsletter She Knows : Love and Sex : Dating : Your daughter: Dating dos and don'ts...for parents Your daughter: Dating dos and don'ts...for parents Go to: | Previous story | Send to a friend! Charlene C Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese The world of adolescent dating is more confusing then ever before. Children are growing up faster and pushing the boundaries of sexuality earlier, as well as facing new kinds of pressures that most parents have never even dreamed of. You'll have to face the inevitable: Your tweenage daughter no longer plays with Barbie, but dresses like her. Get some advice from the authors of Cliques and Boy Crazy: Keeping Your Daughter's Feet on the Ground When Her Head is in the Clouds. This story continues below Are you dog-tired of saying NO to your tween? No, you can't go to the mall to hang out. No, you can't go out on a school night. No, you can't go out dressed like that! No, you can't go to that co-ed sleep-over! No, you cannot date! Before you put your dating rules for your tween into effect, prepare yourself with some dating dos and don'ts designed for you. 1. Do giggle and gush along with your tween over her first crush. She may show you a pop star from a magazine or a snapshot of a classmate from the middle school yearbook. You can tell that she's smitten. Tweens need permission to be romantic, your permission. So smile, laugh, and say, "He is cute." 2. Don't assume group dating is safe. You may say no to dating one-on-one for your twelve-year-old, but agree to let her go out in a group. A pair can isolate themselves from the group in a dark movie theatre. You cannot trust the group setting to supervise your child. 3. Do be sensitive to your tweenager's romantic timetable. Some 11-year-olds get boy-girl party invitations and want to go. Others aren't ready for that. Don't ever push your child to get into the popular crowd's schedule. Watch for his and her social readiness. Respect it. 4. Do wait up when your tween goes out. Be there to make sure your child had a safe outing. A hug and kiss good-night should also serve as a safety measure to be sure there is not alcohol on his breath, no slurred words in his good-night. Pay close attention if your tween wants to attend too many sleepovers. They may be using sleepovers to avoid parental supervision. This story continues below 5. Don't snoop to find out about your tween's love life. Yes, it is your responsibility to know how far your fourteen-year-old may be going (both emotional and physically). However, violating privacy by reading diaries or on-line blogs will build a wall, not a bridge of trust. Without trust you cannot effectively guide your tween through the risks and revelry of adolescence and romance. 6. Don't plan one sex talk. The landscape of sexuality is totally different for this generation. They have new worries: AIDS and HIV and a plethora of STDs. They even have new definitions for sex. They also have you to help them navigate this new climate. Plan on lots of talks. 7. Do keep your ear to the rumor mill. Who is boyfriend stealing? Who got jilted? Who went too far? Who wound up in the emergency room getting her stomach pumped? The gossip may come from your child or from other parents. You don't have to believe it or spread it, but gossip provides a window of opportunity to explore other tween's or teen's decisions. Ask your child, "What do you think about…?" 8. Do pay attention to your son's social life. Studies show that girls get most of the relationship talks, but it takes two to tango. Boys need just as much instruction and guidance on courtship and companionship as girls. Furthermore, there are certain issues, such as respect and consent, that need your emphasis and clarity. 9. Don't let your tween's social life become the control issue in your relationship. Often a single issue comes between a parent and a tween. It's normal for young adolescents to want to socialize, but going out, hanging out, and hooking up can turn parents into the short-tempered dating police. Often as tweens get older and push boundaries more, parents get nastier. Don't let your tween's romantic goals become the source of contention. 10. Do examine your own romantic assets and liabilities. Tweens watch the adults in their lives like hawks. Meaning your love life (marriage, divorce, second marriage, dating) is all up for interpretation. They learn what they witness. So how you argue with your spouse, how you express your love, how you treat and are treated by a loved one are the love lessons your tween absorbs. Rest assured no parent is a perfect role model but, we can honestly acknowledge our mistakes and do better. Read more articles in this category: previous | Send to a friend! About the authors: Charlene C Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese are the trusted team behind Cliques and The Roller Coaster Years, bring parents everywhere relief with Boy Crazy: Keeping Your Daughter's Feet on the Ground When Her Head is in the Clouds. More for you! Send this page to a friend! 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Message boards | Free newsletters | Recipe of the day | Celebrity gossip | Pregnancy Baby love and sex: dating: your daughter: dating dos and don'ts...for parents SAGE Website Help Contact Us Home Advanced Search Browse Search History My Marked Citations (0) My Tools Sign In to gain access to subscriptions and/or personal tools. This item requires a subscription to Child Maltreatment Online. When Love is Just a Four-Letter Word: Victimization and Romantic Relationships in... Feiring and Furman Child Maltreat.2000; 5: 293-298 To view this item, select one of the options below: Sign In Already an individual subscriber? If so, please sign in to SAGE Journals Online with your User Name and Password. User Name Sign in without cookies. Can't get past this page? Help with Cookies. Need to Activate? Password Remember my user name password. Forgot your user name or password? 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Copyright 2000 by SAGE Publications | SAGE Website | Privacy Policy child maltreatment -- sign in page Home Catalog The Development of Romantic Relationships in Adolescence Google Book Search Search this book Description -- Details 4 line diagramsPage extent: 461 pagesSize: 228 x 152 mm Weight: 0.755 kg Library of Congress Dewey number: 155.5/18Dewey version: 21LC Classification: BF724.3.L68 D48 1999 LC Subject headings: Love in adolescence Library of Congress Record The Development of Romantic Relationships in AdolescenceSeries: Cambridge Studies in Social and Emotional DevelopmentEdited by Wyndol Furman University of DenverB. Bradford Brown University of Wisconsin, MadisonCandice Feiring New Jersey Medical School View list of contributors... Hardback (ISBN-13: 9780521591560 | ISBN-10: 0521591562) Published September 1999 In stock$75.00 (C) -- Numerous volumes exist on adult romantic relationships and on adolescent sexuality, but this is the first volume to examine adolescent romantic relationships. A group of eminent investigators met to discuss the topic and were charged with the task of writing about their conceptualization of these relationships and of romantic experiences in adolescence. The papers cover the full range of aspects of romantic relationships, and examine general processes and individual differences within the general context of adolescent development. Each paper contains numerous provocative ideas that are designed to stimulate research on the topic.Contents1. Missing the boat: why researchers have shied away from adolescent romance B. Bradford Brown, Candice Feiring and Wyndol Furman; Part I. Processes in Romantic Relationships: 2. The emotions of romantic relationships: do they wreak havoc on adolescents? Reed W. Larson, Gerald L. Clore and Gretchen A. Wood; 3. The nature and functions of social exchange in adolescent romantic relationships Bren Laursen and Lauri A. Jensen-Campbell; 4. Cognitive representations of adolescent romantic relationships Wyndol Furman and Valerie A. Simon; 5. Romantic and sexual development during adolescence Brad Benson; Part II. Individual Differences in Romantic Relationships: 6. Capacity for intimate relationships: a developmental construction W. Andrew Collins and L. Alan Sroufe; 6. Rejection sensitivity and adolescent romantic relationships Geraldine Downey, Cheryl Bonica and Claudia Rincon; 8. Sex, dating, passionate friendships and romance: intimate peer relations among lesbian, gay and bisexual adolescents Lisa M. Diamond, Ritch C. Savin-Williams and Eric M. Dube; 9. Gender identity and the development of romantic relationships in adolescence Candice Feiring; Part III. The Social Context of Romantic Relationships: 10. Adolescent romance and the parent-child relationship: a contextual perspective Marjory Roberts Gray and Laurence Steinberg; 11. Romantic relationships in adolescence: the role of friends and peers in their emergence and development Jennifer Connolly and Adele Goldberg; 12. You’re going out with who?!: peer group influences on adolescent romantic relationships B. Bradford Brown; 13. The cultured and culturing aspects of romantic experience in adolescence Deborah L. Coates; 14. What’s love got to do with it? Adolescents’ and young adults’ beliefs about sexual and romantic relationships Julia A. Graber, Pia R. Britto and Jeanne Brooks-Gunn; Part IV. Conclusion: 15. Love is a many splendored thing: next steps for theory and research Wyndol Furman, Candice Feiring and B. Bradford Brown.Reviews"In this pioneering book, well known, first-line researchers present chapters focused on conceptual and theoretical matters. The authors have been careful to resist the temptation to turn their chapters into reports of original research or literature reviews. This volume is an authentic milestone in scholarship. The book offers an important contribution for professionals working with adolescents. In addition, it offers insights about interpersonal relationships, as they are studied in the social and personality development areas, family studies, and clinical psychology. Readers with an interest in romantic relationships would be well rewarded in reading this book, even if they have no special interest in adolscents or human development." William G. Graziano, Contemporary Psychology"...the editors have done a superb job of pulling the different sections together so that it reads as a coherent work and does not have the disjointed quality of many multiauthored texts. This book can best be described as a comprehensive, up-to-date text on the subject of the devlopment of relationships in adolescents. Those in academic medicine who are responsible for training programs in adult and child psychiatry as well as pediatrics would find the book contains useful information to incorporate into the curricule." JAMA: Journal of the American Medical Association"This is the first scientific book written on adolescent romantic relationships...the book certainly succeeds in laying the conceptual groundwork on which to base research on adolescent romance. The chapters are well written and pitched toward a professional or graduate student readership. Nonetheless, very little prior knowledge of the topic is necessary to understand the book, making it ideal for someone interested in exploring a new area. This book would be useful for a variety of professionals. I would strongly recommend it for anyone in a sexuality-related profession (educators, therapists, and researchers with an interest in adolescent sexuality), those who counsel adolescents, or anyone teaching a course in related areas. I applaud the work of the editors and authors, and I am grateful that this book has come my way." Journal of Sex Research"Work presented in The Development of Romantic Relationships in Adolescence represents a major scholarly achievement." APA Review of Books"...little research has been done in the area of romantic relationships in adolescence. Therefore, this is an important and interesting new topic of discussion." The Canadian Child Psychology Review Contributors Andrew Smith (University of Canterbury), Derek James (University of Oxford), Peter Thomas (University of Durham) -- View PDF Sample Chapter -- Quick search Advanced search... Related book A Vision for Universal Preschool Education Edward Zigler, Walter S. Gilliam, Stephanie M. Jones Hardback Paperback Related areas Psychology Printer friendly versionEmail a colleague Cambridge University Press 2007. Privacy Policy | Security | Contact us the development of romantic relationships in adolescence - cambridge university press Join Us Now! | Sign In | Bookmark This Page News Entire Site Therapist Home Resources Disorders Quizzes Ask Drugs Blog News Research Books Chats Community advertisement More on Sexuality More articles on Sexuality Relationships Love News 1 in 3 World of Warcraft Players Attracted to One Another 22 Aug 2007 APA Bans Psychologists from Torture Interrogations 22 Aug 2007 Alzheimers Vaccine Effective 22 Aug 2007 Treat ADHD Without Meds 22 Aug 2007 Quick Test for Brain Disease 22 Aug 2007 Sexual Issues -- Home News Alcoholism News Sex, Drugs and Dating Flu Vaccine and Mental Health Are Meds for ADHD Helpful or Harmful -- Sex, Drugs and Dating By: Psych Central Senior News Editor on Monday, Jun, 18, 2007 Reviewed by: John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on June 18, 2007 at 11:26 am The stress that permeates a parents psyche as their children pass through adolescence may rise a little following the release of a Canadian study. Investigators confirmed what parents have long suspected: dating, sexual activity and substance use seem to make teens feel older than they really are. And, as adolescents get older, the gap between their chronological age and their self-perceived age widens. The study appears in the June 2007 issue of the Journal of Adolescence. Researchers at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, with assistance from the University of Victoria, surveyed a random sample of nearly 700 adolescents from a medium-sized North American city and asked them questions about dating, sexual experience, smoking, alcohol and drug use. The participants, males and females between 12 to 19 years of age, were also asked how old they felt compared to their same-sex peers. Survey results indicated that, as is typical for teens, the sample felt older than their chronological age. Kelly Arbeau, a doctoral student in psychology at the University of Alberta and co-author of the study, explained that she and her fellow researchers set out to find what’s behind the discrepancy between how old teens feel and how old they really are. “We found that specific behaviors do have an effect on adolescents’ self-perceived age,” said Arbeau. “For example, having an older dating partner seems to give a teen a higher subjective experience of age.” Sexual activity, especially starting at an earlier age, was found to have an important relationship to teens’ subjective experience of age (SEA). “Sexual experience is unequivocally the realm of adult behavior,” Arbeau explained. “So, when teens are having sex and their peers aren’t, it can make them feel more adult, more mature than their non-experienced counterparts.” Smoking (in boys), higher alcohol use and higher drug use were also related to an older SEA. These results suggest an increasing discrepancy between SEA and chronological age across the teen years as young people experience the normative changes associated with adolescence. People in their 20s feel about the age they are or slightly older, but after age 30 and into old age, the average person has an SEA that is younger than his or her chronological age. Adolescence is the only point in the lifespan during which individuals consistently feel older than they are chronologically. As for the popular wisdom that girls mature earlier than boys, the results of the study seem to support that, with girls more likely to feel older than are boys. This may shed some light on why companies are more likely to target teen girls than teen boys with products once considered only for adults. Source: University of Alberta Share: del.icio.us | Digg | Furl | Netscape | reddit | SU | Yahoo | Related News Articles Assess for Date ViolenceTeen Suicide After Date Violence Or AssaultWeb Love Requires CautionRecovery After Relationship EndsResearch Update on PTSD Related Clinical Articles Smoking Linked to Dating among Pre-TeensDating Later in LifeConfessions of a Woman on Online Dating: ReflectionsModern Love: Ways Women Can be More AssertiveCommitted Boyfriend World, to Match.com Land, to Single and Happy Trackback this story from your site or blog. Children and Teens, Relationships Sexuality, Brain and Behavior, Substance Abuse, Addiction, Depression, Personality, Alcoholism, General -- -- Welcome to Psych Central!Users Online: 74Support Community Find a Therapist: Subscribe to Our Newsletter First name (optional) Last name (optional) Back to Previous Page Bookmark This Page Print Version Email to a Friend advertisement Home About Us Advertise with Us Contact Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Site Map Disclaimer Feeds Download the Psych Central Toolbar Copyright 1992-2007 Psych Central. All rights reserved. Site last updated: 22 Aug 2007 We comply with theHONcodestandard: Verify here sex, drugs and dating - psych central news From Child Welfare, volume 47 number 7 (July 1968), p. 405-410 426. Copyright 1968, Child Welfare League of America. Reprinted by special permission of the Child Welfare League of America, Washington, DC. Sexual Knowledge, Values, and Behavior Patterns of Adolescents A study of 700 middle-class adolescents in Minnesota indicates that social rules holding that premarital sexual experience is wrong no longer bind this group. Young people do want help, especially from parents, in how to handle sexual relationships. They say that parents, church, and school have largely failed to help. FLOYD M. MARTINSON Floyd M. Martinson, Ph.D., is Professor and Chairman, Department of Sociology, Gustavus Adolphus College, St. Peter, Minnesota. This paper was presented at the CWLA Midwest Regional Conference, Des Moines, Iowa, April 12, 1967. This paper will present the findings of a recent study in Minnesota of sexual behavior patterns of a number of unmarried adolescents. During the 15-month duration of the study, we spent a month apiece in each of four communities--two rural, one suburban, and one inner-city--observing and interviewing around the general theme: What is it like to grow up in a Minnesota community? Or, more specifically: What is it like to grow up sexually in a Minnesota community? We were primarily interested in learning of the sources, the extent, and the quality of both sex and family life education. We also analyzed dating histories of 500 Minnesota high school students from throughout the state. These were youth in the leadership group, youth who upon graduation from high school enrolled in college. We also interviewed nearly 200 unwed mothers who received services offered by the Unwed Mother Unit of Lutheran Social Service of Minnesota. Our study did not cover a complete cross section of the unmarried in Minnesota, but concentrated on that part of the youth population which comes within the middle class. This report does not deal to any degree with the "Gold Coast" or the slums. In some states the high rate of illegitimacy can be traced in large part to the presence in the state of large numbers of culturally-deprived members of some minority group. We have no such convenient scapegoat for the incidence of illegitimacy in Minnesota. Sexual Behavior and Values In Minnesota the number of illegitimate births increased tenfold during the last decade and can be expected to increase tenfold in the next decade. The question being asked by Lutheran Social Service of Minnesota, sponsors of the research in question, and its board of directors is this: Are we only to take care of the results of nonmarital sexual activity--unwed parents and their offspring--or do we have a responsibility for influencing, more directly than we are doing at present, the conditions leading to the ever-increasing problem of illegitimacy? Assuming for the moment that we want to do something about the present situation, it is necessary to understand the situation in some depth. To do so, we must look at the dating practices of these young people and try to understand why they pattern their behavior in the ways they do. Even these dating practices, however, are conditioned by certain imperatives. First, we must bear in mind that man is a sexual being, without season to his sexual desire. Sexual desire and capability are at their height during the years following pubescence. There is little evidence that a healthy adolescent boy does not need regular sexual outlet, through nocturnal emission (wet dreams), masturbation, or some other means. Sexual drive and interest are ever-present factors in the life of a healthy human being. Second, the age period of man's fertility is lengthening with earlier onset of pubescence (perhaps because of better nourishment and care) and later onset of menopause. The age at which people enter marriage is not decreasing. Hence the period calling for continence on the part of the unmarried (according to our traditional morality) is lengthened. Third, man does not live primarily by instinct, but by chosen values. Man is not born with the knowledge of how best to use his sexual powers for his own good or for the good of others. He must be taught. He can learn from responsible adults, through such agencies as the home, the church, and the school. if adults are unwilling or unable to teach, he will still learn, but he will learn from other sources, sources that do not share the reticence on this subject that has characterized home, church, and school. Some of these sources are popular magazines, the movies, and peers. A number of studies of young people show that youth prefer to get their values for important life decisions from responsible adults, primarily their parents, rather than from their peers and the mass media.1 It is when responsible adults fail them that they turn to their peers and other sources. Claims on Adolescence Society to date has not provided any direct sexual outlet for the unmarried to which it unequivocally gives its blessing. Sublimation of the sex drive may be what our society ideally recommends for the unmarried, but this requires a degree of maturity that cannot be expected of adolescents. All that is left according to our mores is for the sex drive to be repressed. This is hardly a positive prescription. Just as the period of adolescence is a time when young people are supposed to be preparing for responsible adulthood in areas of vocation and social adaptation, so is it even more fundamentally a time when sexual nature and identity become central concerns of the maturing individual. The establishment of a comfortable sense of sexual identity and of understanding about the implications of human sexuality for healthy personality development are crucial tasks of adolescence. In their attempt to understand and relate to persons of the opposite sex youth develop patterns of their own. One of the main patterns is to band together in groups--groups of boys and groups of girls--and to relate to each other within the safety of numbers. In sixth or seventh grade or earlier, often with the assistance or at least the consent of parents, young people plan parties in their homes. They get together and eat potato chips and drink coke, they listen to music, they talk, and they dance. At the same time they are subject to myriad suggestions from the mass media, older youth, and publicized behavior of some adults that there is more to relating to the opposite sex than these things. So they not uncommonly play suggestive games and turn out the lights and "make out." "Making out" at this age usually refers to kissing, necking, and perhaps some degree of petting. As one girl reflects: "Eighth grade was when I began kissing a boy with some affection. Parties used to be just 'make out' parties. It all seems so silly now: the parents would take us to the party; we would go to the basement and neck; and then our parents would take us home again." Children do not always want such sexual involvement at this early age: "I shall never forget one Christmas party I attended when I was in seventh grade. There were only couples there. We ate and danced for a while and then everyone sat on the couch with the lights out and kissed. I was so embarrassed and confused at such activity that I left the party early, went home, and cried. I hated that boy from then on and refused to go any place with him." If the parents are away from home when a party is held, as our subjects reported was often the case, young people may use not only the living or recreation room, but also the bedrooms for "making out." Many high school youths attested from experience that "making out" on a bed is better than "making out" in a car or on a davenport. If father has left the liquor cabinet unlocked, this can help to liven up the party. Drinking is prevalent among Minnesota high school youth. According to a student from a suburb: "I never went to a party, school or private, where there wasn't some drinking, and usually a lot of it." The relationship between drinking and sexual activity is indicated in the report of one girl about an outdoor party: "Accompanied by a case of beer and sleeping bags, we proceeded on an evening canoe trip. We paddled across the lake and set up camp. We drank and proceeded to our sleeping bags. I had never felt so comfortable in a boy's arms." Dating Patterns Besides group parties, which continue on into senior high school, some adolescents in Minnesota begin paired dating in junior high school, with parental approval or support. Parents sometimes encourage early dating. "In the selection of my friends my mother did let me make my own decisions. One time, though, she was quite perturbed when, in sixth grade, I turned down my first date offer because I felt I was too young to accept." Paired dating develops into going steadily or going steady (they are not the same thing). "Going steadily" means that neither person is dating anyone else. "Going steady" commonly involves the exchange of expressions of love, promises to be faithful, and some outward ritual and symbols, such as the wearing of matching clothing or the giving or exchanging of rings or pins. Judging from our study, few Minnesota high school students "play the field" once they begin dating. They go steadily or steady. They explain that they find it difficult to "play the field." Boys find the idea of a regular date to be satisfying and convenient. Girls find that if they do not agree to go steady, no other boy may ask them out and they may end up with no dates at all. In dealing with illegitimacy, we have learned that promiscuity is not part of the problem among the young people with whom we work. We find, rather, the problem of paired, unchaperoned dating of high school students who lack the required sophistication to handle intimate involvement. Intimate dating is greatly facilitated by the availability of family cars. Raising the age requirement for a driver's license could in itself affect the illicit sex problem, especially in rural areas. After a date, that often consists of going to a movie and having a snack, there is usually some time left before the girl's curfew, and many parents set a very late curfew or none at all. For example: "My mother never set a curfew for me to be home; it was left up to me to be in at a decent hour. As a result we would park or sit in my yard for an hour before going in. This made petting happen very often, whereas if we had to be in earlier, I don't think it would have happened frequently." This parking time is "free" time. A couple may only sit and talk, but there is tremendous personal and peer pressure to use the parking period for "making out." Some of the more astute young people, and those who want to remain unattached, say that it is in this period before curfew that there are few alternatives to parking and petting. If a boy and girl are going steadily, they need not "make out," but if they are going steady, it is generally understood in the peer group that they will be together a great deal and will "make out" when they are together. "... By the beginning of my junior year, we carried on an enjoyable intimate relationship. I loved our physical relationship. We would park for hours at a time and never tire of necking and petting. We petted heavily until there was nothing left but sexual intercourse. His parents went to church every Sunday night and we usually occupied the house while they were gone. He had seen me without clothes and neither of us felt especially guilty." "Making out" among high school students is progressive. It begins on first dates with kissing and the light embrace and progresses to deep kissing, body fondling, petting to orgasm, simulated intercourse ("humping"), mutual masturbation, and in some cases sexual intercourse. "Sex played an important part in our life, and though we never did have intercourse, we would pet to orgasm four or five times a week and maybe even more." Nudity or seminudity is not at all uncommon among Minnesota high school daters. One reported: "... we progressed rapidly from one stage to the next. ... We were alone quite a lot of the time, either at his home or mine, and our involvement became quite serious. Many times we would be in bed with no clothes on. We got so completely caught up in this sexual exploration, however, that all other aspects of our relationship suffered." Yet, I repeat, Minnesota young people are not promiscuous. This kind of behavior does not occur unless the two like each other very much or think that they are in love. They do not know how to cope with their feelings. They think that it is love rather than sex and that it should not be denied. The more sophisticated may feign love in order to establish grounds for sexual involvement. "I discovered that one does not simply 'go steady' in high school. One must be in love and admit it. This was just pushing things a little too far for my comfort, but to me this 'love' was just a game that brought me an abundance of attention so I played. Little did I realize what I was letting myself in for." Love makes sexual behavior right. This teenage morality has been labeled "permissiveness with affection." If you have strong affection for the other person, you will be permissive. Petting to sexual climax is widely utilized by couples who do not want to engage in coitus. Petting is their way of forestalling coitus, which they have been taught to avoid by the parent generation. "We neck and pet a lot and are both able to achieve orgasm without intercourse. We practice mutual masturbation most of the time. We find it to be a very workable technique for letting off tensions that are built up by extensive necking and petting." Methods of Birth Control Those who do have sexual intercourse are quite successful in preventing conception. Adolescents as a group are relatively sterile. They utilize the withdrawal method of conception control quite extensively; they use condoms and rhythm to some extent. Girls not uncommonly expect the boy to be responsible for contraception. But, out of ignorance and for other reasons, they do not necessarily insist. In general, it appears that they use contraceptives in a hit or miss fashion--sometimes yes, sometimes no. The lack of a consistent and reliable source of supply of contraceptives to teenagers in the state, coupled with the lack of sex education, is no doubt a deterrent to their use. "We didn't use any contraceptives, as I was too bashful to buy condoms." Condom vending machines did appear in service station restrooms in the southern part of the state within the last year. However, the attorney general ruled that they are illegal in Minnesota. The vending machine is a source of supply in many other states. In doing research in an eastern state last summer, we noted that there were as many as three brands of condoms available in vending machines in a single filling station. These patterns of youth behavior that I have described are not carried out with confidence, with arrogance, or with much assurance that the behavior is right or proper. But youth have not found many adults, or any adults, who appear to understand or care enough about their situation to be helpful. Available Sex Education In evaluating the sex education they receive from childhood up until graduation from high school, the majority of Minnesota youth whom we studied are dissatisfied. Too often they feel themselves to be poorly informed and to have formed impressions about sex and sexual behavior that are negative and unwholesome. All of the institutions stand under their indictment--the home, the school, and the church, as well as other media of sex information such as peer group, dates, and the mass media. It is from the mass media and peers that they have learned that sex is fun, and that it is a proper expression of one's feeling for another person. This confuses them. Why have adults let them understand that sex is dirty, shameful, secretive, wrong, or so sacred that it is completely out of reach, while they and their peers have found much about it that is fun, exciting, enjoyable, and meaningful? And why is there this discrepancy between adult and youth experience? In some homes parents give no sex instruction at all, and in many homes sex is regarded as a taboo subject never to be brought up. "My parents never came out and actually told me about the facts of life. ... But indirectly they told me plenty. They made me feel that sex was dirty and something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Yet they joked about it and my father always had some 'girly' magazines lying around the house. At first I got a big kick out of looking at them, but later they just disgusted me and made me hate being a girl if all that men did was look at our bodies and make jokes about us." Some Minnesota parents actually refuse to give their children information when asked for it. "When I asked my mother where the kittens came from in the first place and why they couldn't go back again, she scolded me and said that nice girls don't ask things like this. ... How I made it through my adolescent years I will never know. My parents, like so many parents, didn't take advantage of the opportunities to explain love and sex expression. They were neither sympathetic nor helpful to my adolescent needs." Some parents emphasize only the negative, telling only what should not be done. Some of the confusion develops because parents teach rules of behavior without giving the factual information needed to appreciate the rules. "My parents attempted with all their ability to hide the facts of life from me. ... I feel that this is why I have always been afraid of sex. ... Strict dating rules were laid down for me partly because 'something' might happen. That something was always left up to my imagination. I was never told what it was. I put myself on a pedestal (as my parents directed), and inwardly scoffed at those who were teasing the boys with their flirting and suggestive ways. In a way I considered myself better because I knew something that they didn't know. Yet did I? I only knew what I wasn't supposed to do, but not why. I guess my mother never thought that a little knowledge could do more than the strictest set of rules. ... I sought information by reading romance magazines. My feelings of horror and repulsion grew as I read of the ugly thoughts that boys had in their heads about sleeping with girls and wanting to fondle and caress them. I saw the pain caused by illegitimate babies and out-of-wedlock mothers. I also saw the filthy ways people made love in dirty motels and cabins, in back seats of cars, and lying in the weeds. I could see no beauty in sex. It was hateful and repulsive, and I wanted no part of it." On the other hand, there are Minnesota youth who are appreciative of relationships with their parents and the sex education received in the home. "... I think that I know more about sex than most of the students my age. Anything that the other students knew about sex was mostly what they had heard and learned from each other. My mother had informed me at an early age about where babies come from, etc. She always told me things about sex in advance so that I never heard anything from the other students that I didn't know or hadn't already heard. As a result ... I never believed any of the perverted and misleading ideas about sex. I have always respected my mother a great deal for the free and honest way that she spoke to me about sex." Sex and family life educating can be done in the home, but most parents are not doing it, and I am not hopeful that it will be well done in the home in the foreseeable future. Good sex education in the home, when it does occur, often is a part of an open and affectionate relationship between parent and child. Expecting the child to take the initiative in parent-child discussions on sex is not realistic. The child early becomes embarrassed about sex and may be as unable to bring up the subject with parents as parents are with the child. Good sex education is more than instruction in the physical aspects of love. The few Minnesota students we encountered who have been well taught show their appreciation by wholesome attitudes and values, proper etiquette, and respect for other persons, especially the person being dated. In speaking about major sources of sex education, a minority of Minnesota high school students mention the school. Whatever Minnesota schools have offered to date in sex education seems to have made little impact on students. I have not made a systematic survey, but I have not ran across a single school in Minnesota that in my estimation is doing an adequate job of sex and family life education. As with the school, so also with the church; the majority of our group of Minnesota youth do not mention the church as a major source of sex and family life education. "I felt that my church beat around the bush and whatever was said about it was a paraphrase of the idea that 'you should keep your body pure and holy because it is a temple of God.' I certainly maintain that the sex act is holy. ... But I believe that my church should not stop with this idea, but go on [to] a more liberal and full explanation about sex, with the unabashed use of technical terms." An occasional person will mention the sex education he has received under religious auspices with appreciation. More characteristically, however, young people appear to be critical of sex education received under religious auspices. The concept of body-soul dualism and the lower nature of the body is a common impression left by religious instructors. A commonly mentioned source of sex information is peers. Sex is a major topic of conversation among both sexes. The person one is dating often becomes a source of sex instruction especially in those cases where responsible educational agencies in the community have not done a satisfactory job. Occasionally, a young person will look back with satisfaction to the high school boy friend or girl friend as a source of sex education. "I know now that if I ever marry I will always consider my years with him as a healthy experience and one to be cherished and never ashamed of. I value our relationship as one that helped both of us in our attitude toward goals and ideals to try to attain. I have never experienced any other sexual partners besides him. ... I am not condemning my relationship with him, but only wish that we had used more discretion and that it had happened when we were both more mature, for I feel that it would have brought less conflict." But persons whose primary source of sex education has been the date often give the date a low rating as a source of information. Conclusion We conclude our report with the general observation that many Minnesota high school graduates look back upon going steady in high school as having been a mistake. The following case is not atypical: "It is a pity that we had such a strong association when we were so young. Had we been older, we probably would have known much more about sex and about life in general ... I am sure that if we had been older we would have realized the extreme seriousness of the results of sexual intercourse. To us, then, a pregnancy seemed so impossible. Now we know how very possible it was and how it could have ruined both of our lives. When I have children of my own, I do not think I will let them go steady." These are some of the facts we learned about the sexual behavior and attitudes of the young people we studied. We believe that these behavior patterns and these confused, searching attitudes are typical of today's middle-class adolescent. It is our firm conclusion that if young people are to develop a healthy and mature sexuality, they need help. Received July 31, 1967 1. See for example, Jessie Bernard (Special Ed.). "Teen-Age Culture," The Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Science, Vol. 338, November 1961; Clay V. Brittain, "Adolescent Choices and Parent-Peer Cross Pressures," American Sociological Review, XXVIII, (1963); Ernest A. Smith, American Youth Culture: Group Life in Teen-Age Society (New York: Free Press of Glencoe, 1962). Floyd M. Martinson sexual knowledge, values, and behavior patterns of adolescents Other Free Encyclopedias :: Social Issues Reference :: Child Development Reference - Vol 3 Dating - Who Dates When?, Steady Versus Multiple Dating, Dating And Sex, Not Dating - Conclusions Dating works to meet the needs of both identity achievement and the development of intimacy (both of which are chief tasks of adolescence), in that as one gradually becomes closer to another, one becomes more self-aware. In coming to know the self, adolescents begin to move away from the known world of family relationships and toward the world of peers. In doing so, adolescents become aware of dif -- Dating works to meet the needs of both identity achievement and the development of intimacy (both of which are chief tasks of adolescence), in that as one gradually becomes closer to another, one becomes more self-aware. In coming to know the self, adolescents begin to move away from the known world of family relationships and toward the world of peers. In doing so, adolescents become aware of differences between self and others as they work to develop a system of personal values and beliefs, honing a sense of who they are and who they wish to be. In this search for self, dating can have a positive impact on self-esteem and self-image. This exploration also includes coming to know the sexual self, by exploring aspects of sexuality in terms of both dress and behavior. As adolescents work to find their place in the adult world, they develop a more distinct sense of ownership of their bodies and how that body functions. In addition, they become more aware of those to whom they are attracted, what they find sexually pleasing, and how it feels to be involved both physically and emotionally with one person. The capacity for intimacy is initially developed in same-sex friendships and then extended into opposite-sex relationships. For females, dating typically provides a context for further expression of intimacy, while the experience provides for males a context for further development of intimacy. In general, intimacy skills of the average young adolescent are poorly developed; consequently, the art of managing close relationships tends to develop through a process of trial and error. As the individual matures and acquires more dating experience, she becomes more comfortable with aspects of self-disclosure, emotional closeness, and the experience of being cared for by a member of the opposite sex. Conclusions Dating during the years of child development clearly affects both personal and social growth as the individual works to acquire skills related to interacting with others. While not without its challenges, the dating experience can provide positive feedback to adolescents as well as a sense of interpersonal attachment with their peers. Relationships gained through dating then prepare adolescents for continued emotional growth into adulthood. See also: ADOLESCENCE; SEXUAL ACTIVITY; SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT Bibliography Adams, Gerald, Thomas Gullotta, and Carol Markstrom-Adams. Adolescent Life Experiences, 3rd edition. Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole, 1994. Bennett, Larry, and Susan Fineran. Sexual and Severe Physical Violence among High School Students: Power Beliefs, Gender, and Relationships.American Journal of Orthopsychiatry 68 (1998):645-652. Brooks, Jane. The Process of Parenting, 4th edition. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield, 1996. Conger, John, and Anne Petersen. Adolescence and Youth, 3rd edition. New York: Harper and Row, 1984. Dacey, John, and Maureen Kenny. Adolescent Development, 2nd edition. Boston: McGraw-Hill, 1997. Dusek, Jerome. Adolescent Development and Behavior, 2nd edition. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1991. Furman, Wyndol, and Elizabeth Wehner. Romantic Views: Toward a Theory of Adolescent Romantic Relationships. In Raymond Montemayor, Gerald Adams, and Thomas Gullotta eds., Personal Relationships during Adolescence. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994. Haffner, Debra. From Diapers to Dating: A Parents Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children. New York: Newmarket Press, 1999. Jaffe, Michael. Adolescence. New York: Wiley, 1998. Levy-Warren, Marcia. The Adolescent Journey: Development, Identity Formation, and Psychotherapy. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson, 1996. Miller, Kristelle. Adolescents Same-Sex and Opposite-Sex Peer Relations: Sex Differences in Popularity, Perceived Social Competence, and Social Cognitive Skills. Journal of Adolescent Research 4 (1990):173-189. Rice, F. Phillip. The Adolescent: Development, Relationships, and Culture, 9th edition. Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 1999. Savin-Williams, Ritch. Dating Those You Cant Love and Loving Those You Cant Date. In Raymond Montemayor, Gerald Adams, and Thomas Gullotta eds., Personal Relationships during Adolescence. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994. Seifert, Kevin, and Robert Hoffnung. Child and Adolescent Development, 5th edition. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 2000. Sorenson, Susan, and Patricia Bowie. Vulnerable Populations:Girls and Young Women. In Leonard Eron and Jacquelyn Gentry eds., Papers of the American Psychological Association on Violence and Youth, Vol. II: Violence and Youth: Psychologys Response. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 1994. Steinberg, Laurence. Adolescence, 2nd edition. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1989. Thornton, Arland. The Courtship Process of Adolescent Sexuality. Journal of Family Issues 11 (1990):239-273. Vicary, Judith, Linda Klingaman, and William Harkness. Risk Factors Associated with Date Rape and Sexual Assault of Adolescent Girls. Journal of Adolescence 18 (1995):289-306. Youniss, James, and Denise Haynie. Friendship in Adolescence.Development and Behavioral Pediatrics 13, no. 1 (1992):59-66. Rebecca J. Glover Dating - Who Dates When? Dating - Steady Versus Multiple Dating Dating - Dating And Sex Dating - Not Dating User Comments Add a comment Name Email Verify Image Body Cancel or Day Care - Types Of Day Care And Demographic Information, Effects Of Day Care, Day Care As A Social Phenomenon - Conclusion [next] [back] Crying - The Physiology Of Crying, The Crying Of Newborns, The Crying Of Infants, The Crying Of Toddlers - Conclusion Copyright 2007 Net Industries - All Rights Reserved dating - who dates when?, steady versus multiple dating, dating and sex, not dating - conclusions We have detected that your web browser does not have JavaScript enabled. To view Goliath's company profiles, news and business information, please enable JavaScript now. About UsMy AccountNo items in your cart Select a Category Business Courses Business Encyclopedias Industry Marketing Reports Business News Company Profiles Business Plans Find Articles by Publication The Role of close friends in African American adolescents' dating and sexual behavior. Publication Date: 01-NOV-04 Publication Title: The Journal of Sex Research Format: Online - approximately 10709 wordsAuthor: Harper, Gary W. ; Gannon, Christine ; Watson, Susan E. ; Catania, Joseph A. ; Dolcini M. Margaret Close You will be billed $19.95 a month. There is no long-term commitment. Cancel at any time. Read the Terms and Conditions. Read this article now Subscribe to Goliath Business News! You can view this article PLUS... Over 5 million business articles Hundreds of the most trusted magazines, newswires, and journals (see list) Premium business information that is timely and relevant Just $19.95 a month! More InfoNo long term commitment. Cancel at anytime. Close You will be billed .95 a month. There is no long-term commitment. Cancel at any time. Read the Terms and Conditions. Purchase this article for $4.95 Description During early and middle adolescence, youth become increasingly interested in forming dyadic romantic relationships, and by the age of 14 or 15 most adolescents have had some experience with dating (Connolly & Johnson, 1996; Furman, 1993; Sharabany, Gershoni, & Hofman, 1981). The formation of romantic relationships assists with healthy social development and provides a range of supportive functions that impact general adjustment and coping throughout adolescence (Lempers & Clark-Lempers, 1993; Shulman & Kipnis, 2001; Zimmer-Gembeck, Siebenbruner, & Collins, 2001). Romantic and dating relationships are also often a prelude to sexual activity during adolescence (Miller & Moore, 1990). Since these phenomena occur in a social context that is heavily influenced by peers, it is important to examine the role of close friends in the dating and sexual behavior of adolescents. These same-gender social networks may provide an avenue for delivering and diffusing prevention messages about safer sex to adolescents. This paper addresses dating and sex among inner-city African American adolescents and explores the role of friendships in these early sexual experiences. FRIENDS' INFLUENCE ON DATING AND SEX Friendships are thought to play a significant role in determining the quality of heterosexual dating experiences because adolescents spend a significant amount of time with their peers and learn about opposite-gender social relationships by observing and imitating each other (Furman, Brown, & Feiring, 1999; Leaper & Anderson, 1997). Additionally, friendship networks create a context in which romantic relationships can develop; adolescents' involvement in these networks can influence the timing, emergence, and nature of their romantic relationships. The existence of a supportive and cohesive friendship network has been associated with increased frequency of dating, as close friends may serve a number of roles including providing access to potential dating partners through peer group activities, acquiring background information about potential partners, assisting in the initiation of conversations with prospective partners, and "setting up" the actual dating circumstances (Connolly, Furman, & Konarski, 2000; Davies & Windle, 2000; Paul & White, 1990). In addition, close friends also provide initial models for romantic relationship expectations, as well as information and advice regarding the initiation and maintenance of dating relationships. Dating during adolescence often serves as an avenue for participation in sexual activity (Miller & Moore, 1990). Adolescents who date on a more consistent basis have access to potential sexual partners, thereby increasing the likelihood that they will have sex (Davies & Windle, 2000; Longmore, Manning, & Giordano. 2001). Frequent dating at an early age has been shown to be associated with earlier sexual experience (Dorius, Heaton, & Steffen. 1993: Miller et al., 1997). Therefore, to better understand the sexual experiences of adolescents and to design effective sexual health promotion programs, it is important to examine the role that dating plays in sex. In addition, because dating and friendships are often interrelated sociodevelopmental phenomena (Furman et al., 1999). it is important to understand the role thai close friends play in the dating process. Christopher (2001) has developed two theoretical models for understanding individual and relational influences on sexual activity for early adolescents and older adolescents/young adults that integrate empirical literature on adolescent sexuality and are guided by a theoretical framework that combines elements of symbolic interactionism and role theory. These models assume that shared meaning and roles related to sexual behavior are created and negotiated through interactions with significant others such as peers, dating partners, and parents. In dating and sexual relationships, both partners enter the relationship with learned preconceptions about the ways in which one should or should not behave in the context of the relation ship, and then create their specific dyadic roles within these parameters. Both of Christopher's models emphasize that peers are a strong socializing force in these processes and that peers are a stronger force than parents with regard to sexuality, especially for older adolescents/young adults. Christopher's theories emphasize the importance of discussions that occur in friendship groups, because such conversations influence the social construction of the meaning attached to sexual roles and behaviors. As adolescents talk about their romantic interests and experiences with friends, they typically consider and construct sexual roles, interpret the meaning of these roles, and make decisions regarding their acceptability. Friends reward or punish dating and sex-related behaviors during these discussions, both through direct feedback or criticism given to a peer who tells the group about engaging in certain behaviors or vicariously through stories and experiences of peers. These interactions serve to influence adolescents" peer attitudes, norms, and role expectations, which ultimately impact dating and sexual behavior (Christopher, 2001). DATING AND SEX AMONG AFRICAN AMERICAN ADOLESCENTS Although developmental theory and research suggest that friends play a significant role in determining the quality of heterosexual dating and sexual relationships, this phenomenon has not been systematically explored among African American adolescents. African American adolescents, particularly those in low-income urban environments, have been disproportionately impacted by negative sexual health outcomes such as sexually transmitted infections and HIV (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 2002a, 2002b) and unintended pregnancies (Anachebe & Sutton, 2003). Thus, it is important to explore contextual and social influences on the sexual behavior of these youth in order to design effective prevention programs. Culture specific examinations of dating and sex are essential to understanding the sexual lives of African American adolescents, since these behaviors are shaped to a large degree by sociocultural factors that vary across ethnic groups (Anderson, 1999: Leaper, 2000). In addition, some researchers have noted the relatively greater importance and influence of neighborhood friendship groups in the lives of African American youth (Anderson, 1992, 1999: Way, 1998). This may be partially due to the experience of being an ethnic minority adolescent in a racist society and the increased social support and acknowledgement that can be gained from spending time with those who can relate to experiences of oppression (Prilleltensky, 2003: Watts, Griffith, & Abdul-Adil, 1999). Given that this study sought to better understand the role of friends in the dating and sexual relationships of inner-city African American adolescents--a phenomenon that has not received significant empirical attention and that has many cultural nuances and influences--we decided to use a qualitative investigative approach. Gilmore, DeLamater, and Wagstaff (1996) have suggested that since adolescent sexual activity involves a set of complex socially constructed phenomena, it is beneficial for researchers to give youth the opportunity to talk about their sexual experiences in their own words. Eyre & Millstein (1999) also have noted that understanding adolescents" own unique conceptualizations of sexual behavior can offer helpful insights that may improve sexual health interventions. The current study expands our understanding of the sexual lives of African American adolescents by exploring youths' conceptualization of dating and sex partners and by examining the ways in which youth talk with their close friends about dating and sex, how they involve close friends in the process of acquiring dating and sex partners, and how they manage disagreements between close friends and dating or sex partners. METHODS Participants This study was focused on a low-income neighborhood in a large West Coast city. At the time of the study, this neighborhood had approximately 28,000 residents and 61% were African American. The median household income was $25,()00, 25% of households fell below the poverty level, and the unemployment rate was 13% (San Francisco Department of City Planning, 1990). African American adolescents living in this neighborhood have been found to have multiple lifetime sexual partners (male median = 9: female median = 3), low rates of condom use (60% inconsistent or nonuse), and the highest rates of gonorrhea and chlamydia within the surrounding city (DiClemente et al., 1996: San Francisco Department of Public Health, 1998). We selected participants using a maximum variation sampling method wherein sexually active African American youth representing an even distribution of ages within our overall age range (14-18 years) who had close friendship networks were selected from the two primary recreation centers in the study neighborhood (N = 15:9 males, 6 females). We selected these two locations because they offer a range of services to youth and thus are heavily attended by the target population, are in two different geographic regions within the community, and attract different segments of the youth population. Procedures We obtained written consent from all participants, and all youth under 18 years of age obtained parental consent. The sponsoring university's internal review board approved this study. Adolescents in the study participated in individual in-depth qualitative interviews that lasted between 1 and 3 hours. Same-gender interviewers conducted the interviews in private rooms at the recreation centers, and we compensated participants for their involvement. All interviews were audiotaped and transcribed verbatim. In addition, after each interview the interviewer audiotaped impressions and field notes and these were also transcribed verbatim. All tapes were destroyed following transcription. Interviewers followed a semistructured interview guide but also allowed for independent expression of thoughts and ideas by participants. The study investigators, the study interviewers, and a senior cultural anthropologist collaboratively drafted, tested, and revised the semistructed interview guide. The first draft of the interview guide was developed from research questions related to the following areas: the role of friend ship groups in the lives of African American adolescents; youths' conceptualization of dating, love, sex, and romance; conversations that youth have with close friends about dating, love, sex, and romance; and ways in which close friends are involved in dating and sexual behavior. We subjected this preliminary draft to several stages of development through a recurrent series of pilot interviews with African American adolescents from the community, reviews and discussions of the interview tapes by the research team, and multiple revisions. One of the central purposes of this iterative process is developing question language that is accessible to participants and that encourages rather than discourages expression of responses in their own terminology. Analysis We used an inductive analysis procedure to allow the patterns, themes, and categories of analysis to emerge... Username: Password: Forgot your password? Home Company Profiles Industry Information Industry Market Reports Business News Business Development Resources Business Leads Business Directories Business Management Resources Business Plans Business Encyclopedias Business Courses U.S. Job Search -- -- Advertising, Refund Policy, Contact Us, Site Map, Add to del.icio.us, Customer Service, How to Buy, Frequently Asked Questions Use of the Goliath service and this Web site constitutes acceptance of our Terms Conditions and Privacy Policy. 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More Buying Choices 56 used & new from $11.80 Have one to sell? See larger image Share your own customer images Publisher: learn how customers can search inside this book. Unhooked (Hardcover) by Laura Sessions Stepp (Author) (20 customer reviews) td.productLabel { font-weight: bold; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap; vertical-align: top; padding-right: 5px; padding-left: 0px; } table.product { border: 0px; padding: 0px; border-collapse: collapse; } List Price: $24.95 Price: $16.47 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25. Details You Save: $8.48 (34%) Availability: In Stock. Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available. Want it delivered Friday, August 24? Choose One-Day Shipping at checkout. See details 56 used & new available from $11.80 Keep connected to what's happening in the world of books by signing up for Amazon.com Books Delivers, our monthly subscription e-mail newsletters. Discover new releases in your favorite categories, popular pre-orders and bestsellers, exclusive author interviews and podcasts, special sales, and more. Better Together Buy this book with Hooking Up: A Girl's All-out Guide to Sex And Sexuality by Amber Madison today! Buy Together Today: $28.47 Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student by MD Anonymous (33) Our Last Best Shot: Guiding our Children Through Early Adolescence by Laura Sessions Stepp (11) $11.25 The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On by Dawn Eden (24) $11.19 UNHOOKED GENERATION: THE TRUTH ABOUT WHY WE'RE STILL SINGLE by Jillian Straus (20) $11.86 Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before by Jean M., Ph.D. Twenge (57) $11.20 Explore similar items: Books (50) Editorial Reviews From Publishers Weekly In her second book, journalist Stepp (Our Last Best Shot) gets an inside perspective on the "hookup," which has become the "primary currency of social interaction" between the sexes in high schools and colleges. Though it's clear where Stepp, mother of three, stands in regard to "hooking up"-a no-strings-attached sex act that allows participants "the freedom to unhook" at any time-Stepp has a seasoned pro's ability to step back, examining carefully and sympathetically the "cultural shift" in its particulars, through the individual stories of interviewees, as well as in its broader cultural impact. Inspired by a series of articles she wrote on eighth-grade oral sex rings for The Washington Post in 1998 ("two years before the popularity of oral sex in middle schools percolated through the media"), Stepp avoids breathless sensationalism, preferring instead to explore the meaning of "hooking up," its fallout, potential long-range consequences for women and men, and the factors that have allowed such a shift to take place-wisely asking, "Where are young women's teachers?" rather than "What is wrong with these girls?" Though it would have benefited from a winnowing of interviews, this insightful study is vivid and engaging, and includes a practical conversation guide for mothers and daughters, making it a valuable text for parents that goes beyond the latest the-kids-are-not-alright headlines. Copyright Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. From The Washington Post's Book World/washingtonpost.com Reviewed by Kathy DobieArticles, op-ed pieces and radio shows have been devoted to the sexual practice of "hooking up," but Washington Post reporter Laura Session Stepp's Unhooked is the first book on the phenomenon and, one hopes, not the last. For when someone takes such a volatile aspect of young people's lives and puts it under a microscope -- or in this case, a concerned, disapproving gaze -- you want the large, well-lit view. Stepp follows three high school girls and six college women through a year in their lives, chronicling their sexual behavior. These girls and women don't date, don't develop long-term relationships or even short, serious ones -- instead, they "hook up." Hooking up, Stepp writes, "isn't exactly anything." It can "consist entirely of one kiss, or it can involve fondling, oral sex, anal sex, intercourse or any combination of those things. It can happen only once with a partner, several times during a week or over many months . It can mean the start of something, the end of something or the whole something." If that sounds as if hooking up can mean almost anything but "fried fish for dinner," Stepp goes on to offer something more definite: What makes hooking up unique is that its practitioners agree that there will be no commitment, no exclusivity, no feelings. The girls adopt the crude talk of crude boys: They speak of hitting it, of boy toys and filler boys, "my plaything" and "my bitch." Why hook up? According to Stepp, college women, obsessed with academic and career success, say they don't have time for a real relationship; high school girls say lovey-dovey relationships give them the "yucks."Stepp is troubled: How will these girls learn how to be loving couples in this hook-up culture? Where will they practice the behavior needed to sustain deep and long-term relationships? If they commit to a lack of commitment, how will they ever learn to be intimate? These questions sound reasonable at first, until one remembers that life just doesn't work that way: In our teens and early twenties, sexual relationships are less about intimacy than about expanding our intimate knowledge of people -- a very different thing. Through sex, we discover irrefutable otherness (he dreams of being madly in love; she hates going to sleep alone ), and we are scared and enraptured, frustrated and inspired. We learn less about intimacy in our youthful sex lives than we do about humanity. And of course, there is also lust, something this very unsexy book about sex doesn't take into account. In fact, Unhooked can be downright painful to read. The author resurrects the ugly, old notion of sex as something a female gives in return for a male's good behavior, and she imagines the female body as a thing that can be tarnished by too much use. She advises the girls, "He will seek to win you over only if he thinks you're a prize."And goes on to tell them, "In a smorgasbord of booty, all the hot dishes start looking like they've been on the warming table too long."It seems strange to have to state the obvious all over again: Both males and females should work hard to gain another's affection and trust. And one's sexuality is not a commodity that, given away too readily and too often, will exhaust or devalue itself. Tell girls that it is such a commodity (as they were told for a number of decades), and they will rebel. The author is conflating what the girls refuse to conflate: love and sexuality. Sometimes they coexist, sometimes not. Loving, faithful marriages in which the sex life has cooled are as much a testament to that fact as a lustful tryst that leads nowhere.In the final chapter, Stepp writes a letter to mothers and daughters, in which she warns the girls: "Your body is your property. . Think about the first home you hope to own. You wouldn't want someone to throw a rock through the front window, would you?" And: "Pornographic is grinding on the dance floor like a dog in heat. It leaves nothing to the imagination." The ugliness of these images seems meant to instill sexual shame.Stepp is most thought-provoking when she considers the culture at large: All the females she interviews come from reasonably well-off families, we're told, and all are ambitious. "Hooking up enables a young woman to practice a piece of a relationship, the physical, while devoting most of her energy to staying on the honor roll . playing lacrosse . and applying to graduate programs in engineering."In a culture that values money and fame above all, that eschews failure, bad luck, trouble and pain, none of us speaks the language of love and forbearance. But it is not hooking up that has created this atmosphere. Hooking up is either a faithful reflection of the culture, a Darwinian response to a world where half the marriages end in divorce, or it is an attempt at something new. Perhaps, this generation, by making sex less precious, less a commodity, will succeed in putting simple humanity back into sex. Why bring someone into your bed? Maybe because she is brilliant and has a whimsical sense of humor, or he is both sarcastic and vulnerable, and has beautiful eyes.And perhaps as this generation grows up, they will come to relish other sides of an intimate relationship more than we have: the friendship, the shared humor, the familiar and loved body next to you in bed at night. This is the most hopeful outcome of the culture Stepp describes, but no less possible than the outcome she fears -- a generation unable to commit, unable to weather storms or to stomach second place or really to love at all. Copyright 2007, The Washington Post. All Rights Reserved. See all Editorial Reviews Product Details Hardcover: 304 pages Publisher: Riverhead Hardcover (February 15, 2007) Language: English ISBN-10: 1594489386 ISBN-13: 978-1594489389 Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.3 x 1.3 inches Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies) Average Customer Review: based on 20 reviews. (Write a review.) 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(We'll ask you to sign in so we can get back to you) #cpsims div.content { margin-left: 20px; } #cpsims td.faceout { padding: 0px 10px 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle; } #cpsims td.asinDetails { padding: 0px 10px 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: middle; } #cpsims .activeAsin { color: #009900; } #cpsims .asinList { margin-top: 12px; } #cpsims .simFooter { margin-top: 5px; } #cpsims .starImage { vertical-align: middle; } #cpsims div.medialine td.asinDetails div { display: inline; } What Do Customers Ultimately Buy After Viewing Items Like This? 83% buy the item featured on this page: Unhooked by Laura Sessions Stepp $16.47 6% buy The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On by Dawn Eden $11.19 6% buy Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student by MD Anonymous 3% buy Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7) by J. K. 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Click on a tag to find related items, discussions, and people. Check the boxes next to these popular tags or enter your own tags in the field below sex (5) courtship (4) hooking up (4) dating (3) feminism (3) hook up (2) relationships (2) sexuality (2) teen sex (2) marriage (1) oral sex (1) See all 14 tags... Yourtags: Add your first tag Help others find this product tag it for Amazon search No one has tagged this product for Amazon search yet. Why not be the first to suggest a search for which it should appear? Search Products Tagged with Are you the publisher or author? Learn how Amazon can help you make this book an eBook. If you are a publisher or author and hold the digital rights to a book, you can make it available as an eBook on Amazon.com. Learn more Rate this item to improve your recommendations I Own It Not Rated Your Rating Don't Like It I Love It! Save YourRating ? 1 2 3 4 5 a.areaLink, a.areaLink:visited { text-decoration: none; color: black; display: block; } .areaLink .innerLink { white-space: nowrap; text-decoration: underline; color: #039; } Customer Reviews 20 Reviews 5 star: (12) 4 star: (0) 3 star: (3) 2 star: (1) 1 star: (4) Average Customer Review (20 customer reviews) Share your thoughts with other customers: Most Helpful Customer Reviews 51 of 59 people found the following review helpful: You'll Be Hooked, February 28, 2007 ByMatt Fabian (Navasota, TEXAS United States) - See all my reviews I give this book 5 stars simply for shedding light on the new way in which teenagers and young adults view sex and relationships. The author says that for many young people today the concept of courtship or dating is antiquated. It has been replaced by the hookup. The essence of hooking-up, which can be anything from kissing to intercourse, is that there are no strings attached. There is no relationship, only instant gratification. It is suppose to be primarily a physical act, devoid of emotions. There is usually alcohol involved. The author is clearly against the hooking-up culture. She is no Puritan when it comes to sex, but for her, physical intimacy should happen within a meaningful relationship. The author interviewed high school and college girls to learn all about the hookup culture. So why do girls hookup? Isn't that exactly what men want, easy sex? So why are girls giving it to them? According to the girls interviewed, they feel a sense of power at being able to use the guy. They are also too busy being star atheltes, straight A students, and pursuing their dreams (or their parents dream for them). Who has time for a boyfriend? Not these girls. In addition, they have seen their parents' marriages break up and cause all sorts of misery. Real relationships can cause pain, hookups can't, right? Well, not exactly. There are fairly serious consequences to the hooking up culture: don't learn how to have real relationships, after-the-fact-regret, unprotected sex, creates an ideal situation for date rape, low self-esteem, inability to trust, etc. The author's solutions to keeping your child from engaging in the hooking up lifestyle are nothing new. Parental involvment is essential. Girls with poor relationships with their father are far more likley to do it. Even if you do not end up agreeing with the author's opinions on hooking up, it is still worth the read to get a glimpse into the personal lives of high school and college students. It is a very engaging book following the lives of young girls as they grow up in the 21st century. Comment|Was this review helpful to you? (Report this) 3 of 3 people found the following review helpful: Research is interesting, but much like the hookup the results unsatisfying, June 24, 2007 ByD. Parvin "dparv" (Boston, MA USA) - See all my reviews Laura Sessions Stepp's Unhooked is a well researched but ultimately unfulfilling book about the changes in sexual culture among today's adolescents and college students. While her original research is quite well done - there's enough here to qualify for an anthropology degree - and deserves 5 stars, once she ventures from the subject of teenagers having sex she badly overreaches. I take two stars off for the latter, giving it 3 overall. Stepp is a writer for the Washington Post who has put in a substantial amount of work in the last few years on teenage sexuality, and like many other reporters decided to publish a book; Unhooked is the result. When she stays on the subject of teenagers and college students having sex and how the culture both differs from their parents' generation and has significant destructive aspects, this is a powerful book. To sum up her argument in a sentence, women under 25 are far more promiscuous, far more demanding sexually, and far less interested in relationships than their elders. Interview after interview points out how early girls start doing things that their parents took very seriously but they don't, how they are far more comfortable talking about it without social consequence, and how young women are now playing the same games that young men did all along - the "walk of shame" has been renamed the "stride of pride," and Stepp makes a pretty good argument that a good chunk of this comes from women "empowering" themselves. As a result, this generation of young women has largely postponed having meaningful relationships despite wanting the same thing their mothers did (albeit at a later age) - marriage and children. All this is very interesting stuff. That's about half the book. It lags when she starts getting into the "whys" and "what can be done" parts, where Stepp has little research and doesn't do a particuarly good job of supporting her arguments. It's not that some of her conclusions don't make sense - particularly that many members of this generation have been babied and entitled beyond belief, and as she puts it "it might have been better to take them to church or a mosque" rather than wipe their knee every time they scraped it - but there's a good slug of academic research on the subject that Stepp doesn't incorporate, and as a result the policy part tends toward preaching rather than thoughtful discussion. Another major problem here is that she focuses almost exclusively on the experience of young women, despite coming up with the conclusion that "young men are as dissatisfied with hooking up as young women." There is a strong sense of feminism gone awry here - a long section talks nostalgically about how men were once required to woo women, but doesn't discuss why perhaps men might not be nearly as interested in doing so given the major shifts in the roles between men and women over the last twenty years (which Stepp dismisses as a result that men can have a lot of sex a lot easier) - and a better book would have taken a long leap across the war of the sexes to figure out what young men were really thinking as well. It takes two to tango. Still, the original research on this generation is worth a read, although parents probably shouldn't be rushing out to lock kids up until they're thirty as a result of reading this. Each generation scares their parents silly, and while there are certainly very, very good reasons to be scared about the "entitlement generation" there are other books that do a better job of explaining why their kids are doing what they're doing. Comment|Was this review helpful to you? (Report this) 10 of 11 people found the following review helpful: A Good Message Lost to Muddy Writing, May 11, 2007 ByFrederick S. Goethel "wildcatcreekbooks" (Central Valley, CA) - See all my reviews As the parent of a sixteen year old daughter, and because I volunteer at the local high school, I was very interested in what this book had to say. I wanted to know more about hooking up; the culture, causes, signs and demographics, as well as what can be done to possibly prevent it from occurring. At the high school we have had instances of what, in retrospect, was behavior by students that mimicked the "hooking up" culture. The parents who knew about the incidents, as well as most administrators, were blissfully unaware that what were we seeing in some students was this phenomena. When the incidents occurred, we thought they were simply girls who were, as they were described when I went to school,[...]. When I went to college in the 70s, things were not nearly as loose as things now, however they were less stringent than the author remembers. While we didn't "hook up", there were more than a few one night stands and there was a lot of drinking going on. I fail to see how, on the college level, this culture is all that much worse than what we experienced, with the exception of the presence of diseases now that we didn't have to contend with back then. I tend to agree with the author that this behavior, in high school, is dangerous and somewhat self destructive, but in college the students are moving quickly toward adulthood, and if this is the way they want to behave then they should be allowed to. I have a hard time seeing how you would curb such behavior in college anyway. Overall, I think the message is good, but the author's muddled writing tended to make it hard to see. She writes, in the beginning, about the girls, but interrupts the flow with commentary which makes it hard to follow the girl's stories. I would have preferred to see the case study, followed by the commentary. In addition, the author references back to previous experiences with other girls, further muddying the waters. I think it's important for parents, as well as high school administrators to learn about this culture, but I'm not sure this is the best book for that purpose. Comment|Was this review helpful to you? (Report this) Share your thoughts with other customers: See all 20 customer reviews... Most Recent Customer Reviews Boys (and girls) like sex. So? What else is new? Having once been young, I all too well remember that young people always think themselves wise enough for any endeavor; now, with age, I know it's the same confidence of... Read more Published 2 months ago by Theodore A. Rushton Well, this is what I've got so far .. Unhooked So far, I enjoy reading this book. Once I reiceived it in the mail, I started reading and couldn't put it down. Read more Published 3 months ago by Alyssa Parrish Compelling and informative Good non-fiction, to my mind, should be 1) fun and engaging to read, much like a good novel, and 2) informative and enlightening. Read more Published 3 months ago by GenMe Excellent investigation The author has done an excellent job investigating this subject. She explores how the youth sex scene has changed, why it has changed, and its future implications. Read more Published 3 months ago by Gaetan Lion almost but not quite If you're interested in this topic, a more insightful and less 'puritanical' read is Lauren F. Winner's "Real Sex: the Naked Truth about Chastity. Read more Published 3 months ago by C Eric Pre-conceived notions. According to a review I read of Laura Stepp's new book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both, her advice to young girls is to "entice boys with... Read more Published 4 months ago by mad_adriene Unhooked and Unhinged This hilariously ignorant diatribe of a novel against today's modern collegian culture is the worth the read only if you're an aspiring writer and you'd like to bolster your self... Read more Published 4 months ago by Ethan Lewis She clearly writes this book in order to get her pre concieved notion across. Most people who positively reviewed this book obviously read it feeling that this lifestyle is wrong, just like the author went into this book thinking what these girls are doing... Read more Published 4 months ago by Joseph Taylor good book, good condition, good job i am enjoying reading the book. the author did a great job of combining personal and true anecdotes as well as professional commentary and explanation for the behavior described... Read more Published 4 months ago by Amy Pearson Why Abstinence Excellent reading for parents, policymakers, students, and scholars Stepp takes on the daunting task of understanding and explaining the "Hook Up" culture. She explores this culture through the experiences and voices of several young women, most... Read more Published 4 months ago by Sean Varano Search Customer Reviews Only search this product's reviews amazon.com: unhooked: books: laura sessions